Arts Therapy
What Is Rejection Therapy (Learning to Be Cringe and Love It)
The psychology of cringe — and how embracing discomfort can lead to confidence, connection, and authentic self-expression.
What Rejection Therapy Really Means
Rejection therapy is a practice of intentionally seeking out situations where you risk hearing “no.” It might sound counterintuitive at first, why would anyone deliberately invite rejection? Yet this simple, brave act is designed to rewire how we respond to discomfort, fear, and social shame.
The premise is straightforward: when you expose yourself repeatedly to small moments of rejection, you become less afraid of it. You desensitise the nervous system to the threat of social exclusion. Over time, what once felt unbearable becomes a moment of curiosity – even freedom.
Rejection therapy helps us build resilience to one of the most fundamental human fears: not being accepted. Beneath every hesitation to speak, create, or express lies this ancient fear of being cast out from the group. We are hardwired to belong. To be rejected feels, on a primal level, like danger.
But here’s the paradox – the fear of rejection keeps us disconnected from the very authenticity that fosters genuine belonging.
Why We Feel Cringe
Cringe is what happens when authenticity meets self-consciousness. It’s that sudden inward contraction the urge to hide, delete, or apologise for showing too much of yourself.
We cringe when we see ourselves as others might see us: exposed, imperfect, trying too hard, emotional, different. It’s an echo of the inner critic saying, “Don’t do that, they’ll think you’re weird.”
In psychology, this feeling sits close to shame, an emotion that evolved to keep us safe within our social groups. But in modern life, that same mechanism often turns against us. Instead of protecting us, shame silences us.
When we cringe at our own voice, body, art, or words, we’re often not reacting to what is, but to what we fear others think. The discomfort doesn’t signal that something is wrong, it signals that something real is trying to emerge.
The Link Between Cringe and the Fear of Rejection
Cringe is not the problem, it’s a symptom of our longing to belong. We are social beings, and rejection activates the same pain centres in the brain as physical injury.
That’s why people-pleasing, perfectionism, or hiding can feel safer than taking up space. Yet every time we censor ourselves to avoid the risk of being cringe, we reinforce a cycle of self-rejection.
The truth is: you cannot be authentic and avoid rejection at the same time.
Authenticity is risky. It means being seen. It means someone might not understand, approve, or like you but it also means the ones who do connect with you will see the real you, not the version you’ve curated for safety.
Rejection Therapy in Practice
Rejection therapy started as a social experiment by entrepreneur Jason Comely, who challenged himself to get rejected once a day. He’d ask for things like a discount on coffee, a tour of a plane, or a free doughnut all to practise hearing “no.”
The results were profound: he realised rejection wasn’t fatal. People were kinder than expected, and the fear lost its hold.
You don’t need to take it that far. The essence of rejection therapy can be integrated gently into daily life.
Here are some simple ways to start:
- Speak a truth even when your voice shakes.
- Post the creative project that makes you feel exposed.
- Ask for help or connection without trying to earn it.
- Share your opinion in a group without apologising.
- Wear or do something expressive that feels slightly “too much.”
Every small act of being seen is an act of healing.
Be Cringe and Be Free
What if being cringe is simply being honest?
The more you allow yourself to be seen in all your awkwardness, earnestness, and vulnerability, the freer you become. “Be cringe and be free” has become a quiet rallying cry online because it reflects something deeply psychological: you cannot reach authenticity without passing through discomfort.
Cringe is the doorway to expression. On the other side lies confidence, creativity, and connection.
The process looks like this:
- Awareness – Notice when you contract, blush, or want to disappear.
- Regulation – Take a breath. Ground into your body. Remind yourself you are safe.
- Compassion – Speak kindly to yourself. You’re growing, not failing.
- Expression – Create, speak, move, or share anyway.
Each time you move through that cycle, you strengthen your nervous system’s tolerance for visibility. You teach your body that being seen is not a threat.
The Psychology of Cringe
From a therapeutic lens, cringe is the emotional threshold where self-rejection begins to transform into self-acceptance. It’s the liminal space between hiding and honesty.
Psychotherapist Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability shows that shame thrives in secrecy, but dissipates when brought into the light. Cringe moments are invitations to bring shame into awareness — to let it be seen, held, and softened.
When we “feel cringe,” we are often re-experiencing early moments of embarrassment, judgement, or social rejection. Our bodies remember those sensations. That’s why cringe can feel so physical, the flush, the stomach drop, the urge to flee.
In psychotherapy and creative arts therapy, working with these sensations through movement, expression, and compassion helps us re-pattern those old imprints. Instead of silencing or overriding the cringe, we learn to meet it with curiosity:
“Ah, here is the edge of my authenticity.”
Moving from Cringe to Courage
Courage doesn’t come from avoiding the cringe, it comes from moving through it.
When you feel the cringe and act anyway, you’re choosing self-trust over self-doubt. You’re proving to your nervous system that your safety doesn’t depend on others’ approval.
The beauty of rejection therapy is that it reframes rejection itself as neutral data, not danger. It invites you to see feedback, silence, or disapproval as part of being human, not a verdict on your worth.
With time, what once felt unbearable begins to feel exhilarating. You find joy in showing up as you are, even when it’s messy or imperfect.
That’s the emotional alchemy of cringe: turning shame into freedom.
A Therapeutic Perspective
In therapy, the emotion of cringe can be a valuable doorway into deeper work. It often reveals where we’ve internalised others’ expectations: parents, peers, teachers, or culture about how we should behave, look, or feel.
When clients explore cringe moments, we often find they’re protecting something precious: their creative impulse, their voice, their individuality. By tending to these edges gently, we invite the parts of ourselves that have been hiding to come forward again.
Cringe isn’t something to eliminate; it’s something to listen to. It tells us, “This is where you’re expanding.”
Arts-based therapy, in particular, allows for this expansion through safe creative play. When paint runs off the page, when a poem feels too honest, when a body movement feels silly, that’s often the moment something real begins to emerge.
From Cringe to Connection
The more we allow ourselves to be seen in our human awkwardness, the more connected we become, not less.
Think of the people you feel closest to. They’re not the ones who never look silly or uncertain; they’re the ones who let you see their real selves. Authenticity attracts authenticity.
When you drop the performance, others feel permission to do the same. That’s the quiet ripple effect of being “cringe”: it softens the collective fear of being human.
The Courage to Be Seen
To practise rejection therapy or to learn to “be cringe” is to reclaim your aliveness. It’s saying:
“I will no longer shrink myself to be acceptable. I will risk being seen to experience connection.”
Cringe is not a failure, it’s a signal that you’re alive, stretching, growing, expressing.
When you meet it with awareness and compassion, you move from self-consciousness to self-trust. From shame to expression. From isolation to connection.
If you notice the emotion of cringe arise in your life: that flutter, that flush, that internal wince: pause. Instead of turning away, breathe and stay with it. That’s the moment your authenticity is asking to be seen.
Ready to Move Beyond the Fear of Rejection?
If you find yourself holding back out of fear of being “too much,” “too weird,” or “too visible,” you’re not alone. These feelings are deeply human and they can also be deeply freeing when explored with support.
Through self inquiry, you can safely meet the edges of cringe, shame, and self-judgement, and rediscover the confidence to express who you truly are.
Book a session or reach out for a free consultation to begin exploring this in your own life. Together, we can move from fear of rejection to full self-expression where your voice, emotions, and presence are welcome.