Model’s Reflections – “Transformation”
Have you given birth vaginally?
Why did you choose to get art of your vulva?
As I grew up in a quite conservative community… sex and body positivity wasn’t talked about. My sex talk with my sweet mother was after I was when she found out I was pregnant (5 months along) with my son. and she said “Well if you’re married you have to do that, but if you’re not why would you want to”? this explains a lot about what my mom’s sexual experience was like for her. I was an unwed mother at 19. As a young woman I didn’t ever think about my needs in sex, it was a way to feel loved. I didn’t appreciate my own body and the magnificent gift she was/is. I continued to feel wanted and loved for mostly my body and so I think I disconnected from her. I never even looked at my vulva until I was older. As I have aged I am working on loving the older, softer chubbier body, and finding the magic of my own body including and in a big part, mostly my vulva. So to have the art work done was a decision I made to bring me authentically close to my vulva… to appreciate the gift she she as a portal to bring souls into this world… the magic she brings to creation of my life and life itself. I have loved the experience and feel so honored to have Caris as the person who has created this experience with me.
What was your relationship with your vulva/body before the artwork?
Before the artwork it was a limited relationship except to give me orgasms to release and create… or to let men in to feel loved myself.
Has your relationship with your vulva/body changed post artwork process?
I adore and love the magic of my vulva now… and as I said above, I know that she is the portal to bring souls into this world… the magic she brings to creation of my life and life itself. I am at a place in my life where I only want the energy of the best intentions and love to enter her. I will not feel pressured or guilted into sex with a man who only wants to conquer her. It will be my decision when it feels right to me. and that decision can change at any point. She deserves, as i do to be cherished and only receive energy that is high vibration and pure.
If you could give your teenage self advice about your body image, what would you say?
Enjoy your body, love her! You don’t owe her to anyone…. Every stage is beautiful and every shape is beautiful. Don’t hide or dull your sparkle for anyone. If your body offends someone that is their problem. Whatever makes you feel confident and whole, do that without shame or guilt.
Please share your story
I think I shared quite a bit of my story in the first portion… but a continuation to that beginning of my young adulthood… My life as most lives have been complicated… I was an awkward child/teen who felt like an ugly duckling with buck teeth then braces and glasses. I say that I created a funny open personality because I wasn’t the girl sot after by all the guys… so when I was looked and guys were interested it was odd to me. I think guys liked me more that I let myself believe…. I lost my virginity at 18, was pregnant at 19 by the 2nd guy I ever had sex with and we only had sex once… we never married and he was out of the picture for 10 years… then I got pregnant at 23 by the first love of my life… we were engaged but never married, he was killed in a car accident when I was 7 month pregnant….
I was broken, but had two children to think of…. life was a whirlwind of a couple relationships, domestic violence … then at 29 I married a man who would haunt my life … domestic violence a short marriage and a divorce… years of stalking and fear…I got pregnant again 32 with a younger man… again didn’t work out I spent many years as a single mom, many years on a man fast… and then a relationship with a sweet man for 6 years… it ended and he passed away a couple years later… since then my life has been a series of short relationships and trying to find myself… finding that men are a mystery to me, yet also very simple. I have longed for someone to really love me, yet I’m continually finding that its only me who can love me the way I need. This process of the vulva art has brought me deeper to that understanding of loving me for me and whatever comes comes …. I am surrounded by a village of people mostly women who love me and my children and grandchildren love me… and I am falling more and more in love with me, even when I make choices that knock the wind out of me again… I catch my breath again more quickly and I forgive myself more lovingly. This journey has been difficult and it’s been beautiful in its only messy blissful way. I am learning and loving myself more every step of the way.
Please provide any other details here
I am on this journey and along the way I have become a writer in the last few years since my mama passed. I share energy work, poems, and other services on my YouTube channel (Poems), also an instagram, and I am building a website with services. I am moving in ways that this can be my life work and fulfil me soulfully and abundantly so I can share my gifts with others who may be touched and healed in their own lives. This process of leaning into the vulva art process is part of that journey in finding myself and I am forever grateful to you and I will always love and adore you for holding space and showing me a new dimension of myself through your art journey.