Setting Boundaries: A Guide to Empowering Yourself

I will not cower to other people’s urges for me to be more normal or nice, I will not sell myself out to allow myself to be liked and accepted.

Boundaries are an essential tool for personal growth and development. They help you identify what you need to feel safe, happy, and fulfilled, and how you will respond when others cross the line. Whether it’s in your personal or professional life, setting healthy boundaries is crucial for creating positive and healthy relationships.

So what are boundaries? In short, they are guidelines, rules, or limits that you create for yourself to manage your interactions with other people. They help you choose the words and actions that ensure your well-being, no matter what life throws at you.

It’s not necessarily about saying “no”. It’s about saying yes to yourself.

There are several types of boundaries that you can set, including physical, emotional, intellectual, time, energy, material, language, freedom, reaction, and responsibility boundaries. Each of these types of boundaries is important for protecting your mental, emotional, and physical health and creating a positive and respectful relationship with others.

Physical boundaries refer to your body, personal space, and privacy. They include rules for appropriate physical touch, eye contact, and physical distancing, as well as privacy rules such as not looking through someone’s personal files or entering their office without permission.

Emotional boundaries protect your self-esteem and sense of self-worth, including the ability to separate your feelings from others. Emotional boundaries can be violated when others trigger, ignore, dismiss, belittle, or invade your feelings and emotional needs.

Intellectual boundaries protect your creative and innovative thoughts and ideas from being used or attributed to others without appropriate recognition. This type of boundary also includes your right to pursue your own goals and aspirations.

Time boundaries preserve one of our most precious and finite resources. At work, time boundary issues can include being asked to be available at all hours or to attend meetings or events where your time is used ineffectively.

Energy boundaries involve your time for reflection, relaxation, and activities that help reduce your stress, increase your focus, and promote your well-being. These boundaries are violated when others make unreasonable demands or invade your privacy.

Freedom and autonomy boundaries include your right to make your own choices and be the person you want to be.

Material boundaries involve money and possessions. They include setting limits on what you share and with whom, as well as the freedom to spend money as you see fit.

Language boundaries refer to how people are allowed to address you, what language they are allowed to use, and the tone of voice that is acceptable.

Responsibility boundaries involve what you are held accountable for and the level of responsibility you carry.

Reaction boundaries are internal boundaries that help you pick your battles and decide how you will react to different situations.

Setting healthy boundaries is essential for protecting and taking good care of yourself, the other person, and the health and well-being of the relationship between you. While setting boundaries for yourself is crucial, it is equally important to respect the boundaries that others have set for themselves without judging or questioning them.

The solidity of the boundary you set depends on many factors, including how safe you feel with the person you are setting the boundary with, your needs, the setting, and what is best for the relationship. Boundaries often need to be revisited if relationships are to flourish. To challenge the solidity of boundaries or renegotiate them in a healthy manner requires a combination of empathy, courage, curiosity, agility, clarity, respect, and direct, positive communication.

In conclusion, setting boundaries is a never-ending skill that you can always build on. By tuning in to what is needed in the moment and honouring that, you can create healthy and positive relationships with yourself and others. Healing your beliefs around self-worth, increasing your standards, and getting clear on your boundaries will empower you to attract healthy relationships in all areas of your life.